i love accidental penises.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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