she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
