Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
