In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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