somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
