NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
