Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
