Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
