If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
