Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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