Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
