did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
