i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
