We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
