We won't sleep together?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
