I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
