dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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