pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
