Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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