Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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