imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
