What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
