I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
