I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
