Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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