Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
