I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
