Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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