Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
