Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
