i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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