nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
