You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
