i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
