Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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