Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
