I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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