I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
