theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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