Soap is not a condiment
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
