The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
