Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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