if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
