put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
