dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
