you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
