just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
