Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We left the knife in your bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
