honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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