Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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