im drinking this country out of the recession.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
