My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
